Anxiety

When we think of the word health, most people would probably think of it in terms of physical well-being.  It makes sense, we visit the doctor for so many reasons: check-ups, vaccinations, when we’re sick, when we’ve injured ourselves, just to name a few. One of the best aspects of living in today’s world, in my opinion, is that we are now collectively having long overdue conversations about mental health.

I had my first anxiety attack two years ago. I had just hung up a call with a client and I found myself on the floor of my office, the sun burning my eyes, my heart pounding, and I was struggling to catch my breath. I came home and pretended that it had been an ordinary day. I had several more anxiety attacks following this one…some were small and some, like the first one, left me on the floor. 

One of my favourite things in the world is taking my girls to school.  Sure, it’s frustrating to watch a kid take ten minutes to put on a coat, but I love spending that time with them; it’s one of the rare opportunities I get to spend time with just the three of us. I was getting the girls ready one morning when I got an email, followed by a phone call from an especially difficult client. My heart began to pound, like how all of my other anxiety attacks started, but I was able to get out of the house and drop the girls off at school. On the way home, I tried something new…I called Katie and asked her to come home from work. It was then that we both agreed that it was time for me to get some help. 

 So, I hit up my old friend Google and found a Psychotherapist in my area that had the most modern looking website. I met with this therapist on a weekly basis for the next few months to discuss and explore my anxiety. She helped me with understanding where it comes from and how to deal with it on a day-to-day basis. 

I tend to think of the worst-case scenario in any situation, and I mentally plan how I will handle it. When I told my therapist about it, she said something that has stuck with me ever since: “Sometimes anxiety can be a positive thing”. She showed me how it can help us recognize the things in our lives that cause it, how to eliminate it, and how to shift our thinking to lead us in a more positive direction. 

In the beginning, anxiety took away many things from me including a career I loved and the ability to be present with my family. It also completely changed the path I had carefully planned for my life.

Now, properly dealing with my anxiety, it has given me a lot. It has enabled me to continuously take action to improve my mental health, it has allowed me to change aspects of myself that had previously held me back, and it has allowed me to be much more present in my daily life.

My anxiety isn't something I deal with on a regular basis, it's something I deal with on a moment-by-moment basis. However, I am gaining momentum thanks to the increased awareness, my therapist’s guidance, and my family’s support. Anxiety has taught me how to think positively about my current situation, and for that I am grateful.

 -       Jesse