Mama Bear

Love is many things to many people. Today I am sharing about a mother's love.

You hear people joke about “don't ever mess with ‘Mama-Bear’". Well, those are true words when it comes to this Mama-Bear. I am stronger than I appear especially when it comes to my children. I would do anything for them. I want to protect them from all harm, pain and suffering. This was easier when dealing with a problem or enemy that can be seen. MS is an invisible enemy and has been the most difficult challenge this mom has had to fight. I felt I had to fight this disease for the sake of my son, Jesse.  After all, it is the job of this mom to protect her son at all costs. It broke my heart to realize and admit that I can't make this disease go away. I couldn't fix my baby boy.

It all began in August 2020.  Jesse called and was asking me what could be causing the tingling to both his feet. 

After that call I felt my heart sink.  As a nurse, I have some knowledge of MS and as they say, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Negative thoughts began to bombard my heart and soul throughout that day.

The next morning I woke up with a new attitude.  I threw away all the negative thoughts. I knew this was going to be the greatest challenge of Jesse’s life. He needed his mom to be a warrior. Jesse called me Labour Day weekend and said that the pain and discomfort led him to go to the ER.  I knew this battle was at a new level. It was serious. 

This was the beginning of many texts and phone calls, talking about all the blood work, scans and MRI's and finally the spinal tap.  I remember one particular call: I was sitting at my kitchen table, Jesse told me about the lesions on his brain and demyelization of T3, T4.  A flood of emotions consumed us both. It's difficult to explain but when I heard my thirty-four-year-old cry, it was the cry of my little boy.

I felt helpless. My heart sank.  But then out of nowhere...Momma Bear showed up.

Some might not understand this and that's okay.  But something powerful came over me. It was a holy and powerful anger that engulfed me.  I prayed for God’s healing and peace to envelop Jesse.  We both felt the presence of God. I knew that no matter what all the tests and doctors would say, MS will not define nor defeat Jesse.

The battle continued. But throughout all the tests and appointments, Jesse was never negative, he was always positive. I had many friends and family praying for my boy.

Then came the day that I tried not to imagine. It was just prior to Christmas. The moment I saw Jesse's face, I knew what he was about to say.  Honestly, he didn't really need to speak.  I had been looking into those precious eyes for almost thirty-five years.  I knew what they were telling me.  Jesse said “the doctors called and said I have MS.”  

This so-called fierce Mama-Bear crumbled to the ground. Jesse picked me up, then we hugged and cried. No words needed to be spoken.  

I've shed a few tears since that day, but tears don't help Jesse, Katie, or the girls.  Jesse has been my inspiration.  He has always been a positive child and continues to be exactly that as husband and father. Mind you, as his mom, I can sometimes see in his eyes more than what his words are saying. 

In closing, I want to share one conversation that took place between us: I was telling Jesse that I was so sorry that I couldn't take his burden away, to which Jesse replied "It isn't a burden, this is an awesome opportunity to be an example of God’s greatness.”

It made me realize that he doesn't need his Mama-Bear to fight this battle for him.  He just needs me to love him and be there for him, as I have always been.

-       Mama-Bear aka Jesse's mom